SPELUNKING WITH THE GIPPER
The Gipper knows what all his little Watchers are thinking: "Steam tunnels! Oh boy!" The unfortunate truth about the tunnels is that they are poorly lit, dusty and hot. The most entertaining part about them is the stenciled sign on the wall saying, "Danger! This passage is secured at the other ends. [Which, of course, was wrong.] In order to enhance the security of all buildings no students are allowed to enter. Students found in violation will be subject to disciplinary action." The note was signed by some past administrator. Given the number of administrators wandering the steam tunnels, the Gipp was left trembling*.
More curious was something one of the Gipper's Campus Watchers discovered while wandering aimlessly around Nieuwland, which science people are wont to do. In the basement, behind two glass security doors, and past a "Computer Room" sign, there is an antiseptic room filled with absolutely no computers. The room has lots of shelving, lots of empty nooks and a mysterious red light hanging from the ceiling.
Were the computers abducted? The Gipp appeals to his Junior Campus Watchers to explain this room.
To Patricia O'Hara: just because no one claps doesn't necessarily mean you're unpopular on campus, but it might.
To University Food Services: chicken with plum sauce for dinner, chicken crepes for breakfast. UFS is not fooling anyone with this or the Cheez-E sauce on top of it.
To the sophomores: turn your checks in early. Three families sit at each JPW table. The tables are numbered from one (right in front of the table of honored guests) to 425,569 (right behind the compost pile). As the checks to pay for the event arrive, they are numbered. The table with the lowest average goes first, and the highest goes on top of the ice rink (the Gipp is not kidding.)
The Gipp heard that a lot of the groups were disqualified for not following directions. The Gipp hopes these Domers will be working as surgeons and nuclear power plants technicians in the future.
-- DePaul's Tom Kleinschmidt
Excuse the Gipp for nitpicking, but the Gipp isn't certain what it means to be "punked." He'd be happier knowing that he isn't getting punked by anyone either.
As a side note, the Gipp really enjoyed watching DePaul's cheerleaders. Two of their male cheerleaders, one holding the other upside-down with a basketball between his legs, walked across the court and dunked the basketball. This stunt made the Notre Dame rah-rahs look as energetic as a slime mold.
Next time you've need to kill a couple hours, look for the Gipper On-Line on Mosaic under the Notre Dame Home Page, under "Links, Links, Links" under "Just Plain Cool Stuff" under "The Orange Room" under "The Toy Box." The Gipp is thankful for this easy-to-find location.
Keep the suggestions flowing, my little campus eyeballs. Next week the Gipp will be back with all his maliciousness when he teaches a new trick to try in the 'Brare. Until then, chat with your rector, drink nectar with a specter, don't be a defector, then drop one in the Gipp's sector.
FILL THE GIPP'S BOX!
Now with six easy-to-use formats!