'Twas almost parietals
'Twas 'most two in the morning, and all through the hall
The students were stirring, awake one and all;
Anxious they waited, like wild beasts in their lairs,
In hopes that the hour soon would be there;
The coeds were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of debauch'ry danced in their heads;
The roommate is sexiled, the door remains locked,
Not a soul allowed out, until nine o'clock,
When out in the corridor I heard a door slam,
To my great dismay I found 'twas Father Poorman.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The dome on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave luster of mid-day to objects below,
Out, out I cried to my love, heart beating fast,
I knew, oh I knew, that this time couldn't last,
For at two in the morning, on Saturday eve
'Tis bed for all Domers, and so (s)he must leave.
A clock striking twice brings hormones a' raging
Lord knows what could come of these two a.m. cravings!
`Now, Michael! now, David! now, Seamus and Johnny!
Hey, Joseph! hey Matthew! hey Patrick and Tommy!
Now open these doors gentlemen, what's all this fuss?
You couldn't be, wouldn't be hiding from us!'
Touchdown Jesus gazes on from Hesburgh bemused
To think of such shenanigans under his view.
Malloy rattled doorknobs, awaiting success,
Finding one open, he called out a great `Yes!'
But there all 'lone were three boys in a row;
Malloy, disappointed, had just turned to go,
When Poorman jumped forward, his eyes all a glitter,
For what had he seen but shots of hard liquor!
`Father Poorman!' Peter cried, his voice full of fear,
`It's not what it seems ... and what're you doing here?'
A chuckle escaped Father Poorman, what glee,
To discover these pranks, and punish the three.
`Why don't you tell it to Res Life,' chimed in Malloy,
Maybe Kirk will listen to the whines of these boys.
`Unlikely,' said Poorman, his voice sinking low.
`They have no standard regulations you know.'
`Ah, well they're doomed,' said Father Monk with some cheer,
`We won't be letting any like these in next year.'
`And they'll all graduate soon,' Poorman advances
`No more of this griping about in-hall dances!'
But Malloy became puzzled, as the very next day,
He saw Peter had gone to the grotto to pray.
Monk spoke to the boy, in the gray South Bend morn,
`Why Peter,' he queried, `Your faith's been reborn?'
`Born again, sir?' Peter respectfully asked.
`No, I'm quite Catholic, from first to the last.'
`And you repent, Peter, the sins of last night?
For truly your actions gave me quite a fright.'
`Father,' Peter said, `I'll tell you something that's true.
Most of us really are good, sans reprimands too.
We pray, volunteer, go to parties at night
We are Notre Dame, and we're doing things right.'
All Viewpoint Stories for Thursday, March 20, 2003