The Beginning of Notre Dame's `Final Solution'
Letter to the Editor
After closely reading the arguments in favor of the "gay ads" ban I have changed my mind, and I am now in favor of the restrictions. Ads should be in sync with Catholic teaching. This is a Catholic university after all.
And not only should ads be censored, but we should be consistent, and carry this missionary zeal to the rest of campus life. This university needs a real "spiritual cleansing."
Everything should be really super-duper Catholic right? But why stop with gays and abortion? I mean, there are so many things to clean up.
What about the College Republicans? They support a party that is not "Catholic" on economic issues and the death penalty. No ads for them!
The College Democrats support the party of baby killing ... I mean come on. So I say, NO ads for them either.
And what about these pagans in the environmental group on campus. The last time I checked the Bible commands us to eat animals and dominate the earth! No ad space for these ungodly cultists.
And the boxing club. Didn't Jesus say to turn the other cheek? What kind of Catholic message will these people be sending if they have ads?
And what about other groups, like blacks. Now there's a suspicious bunch. All of that rap music and crime ... seems pretty un-Catholic to me. I think they should be thrown right off the campus.
And what's the deal with having Jewish professors? Hello! Last time I checked this was a C-A-T-H-O-L-I-C university. These Jesus killers have no place here. I say, kick their asses out!
And what about women. How are we men supposed to concentrate on becoming Catholic philosopher kings if they're always walking around with their boobs. And those vaginas are rather distracting as well. They're not creating a very Christian environment (at least for the 90 percent of us guys who aren't sodomites). It's time for a single sex university again!
In summary, this is a Catholic university and it's time for some real action. Which leads me to my suggestion for a new slogan for the University of Our Lady: Notre Dame, Implementing the Final Solution ... one God-fearing step at a time.
September 10, 1999
All Viewpoint Stories for Tuesday, September 14, 1999