By Sarah Nestor, Saint Mary's News Editor and
Shannon Nelligan, News Wire Editor
Keg stealing is the latest college sport to hit off-campus living since the invention of playing cups on the back porch. And believe us, as unwilling participants we should know.
The goal of the game is to protect the keg at any cost from unsuspecting party crashers.
A few options include, but are not limited to:
Sitting on your keg, but of course this limits any possible keg stand marathons.
Employing the biggest, badest, guy you know to be your "keg bouncer" and of course this means free beer for him all night long (we are now accepting applications).
Rent a guard dog, preferably one big and mean but still cute enough to interest the opposite sex, to protect the keg.
Or you could get a decoy keg of Natty Light, because who really wants to drink that anyway.
Always stay in the vicinity of your keg, no matter how tempting it is to wonder to the party twenty houses away.
If need arises to go on the defense here are some tried and true methods for the recovery of the keg:
Send your quickest friends to run after the keg thieves.
Make sure you take off any cumbersome shoes and fly after the keg (high highs all not the most conducive shoes when such a situation occurs).
And this we know from experience, "PUT DOWN THAT 40, it makes you a lot lighter and agile."
Remember to cover your own house because you don't need the thieves coming back in and taking advantage of the remainder of your partying supplies or anything else for that matter.
Most importantly do not let this ruin your night, because there's always the `Backer waiting for you.
When hosting a party remember that it is always about having fun but sometimes there are unfortunate incidents that occur, such as having your keg stolen. In the end it is about the memories you make and you'll always have a story to tell the grandkids.
Heck, your license plate could be stolen next weekend but fight the social hierarchy and have a good time. And by the way has anyone seen an extra tap hanging about.
All Inside Stories for Friday, September 20, 2002