Solving gender puzzles
Here We Go Again
My boyfriend and I broke up over the summer. I am fine with this now. I have gotten beyond the point where I never want to look at another guy again and have progressed to the point where I am disinterestedly interested in them because I know that I will probably eventually want another one. I think it may be an addiction. In the process of this interest, I have noticed some things about guys and girls.
There are, I have decided, two types of guys. There are nice guys and then there are not-nice guys. I can say this with relative certainty. Guys are simpler than girls. There are at least two dozen types of girls.
There are nice girls. There are not-nice girls. There are nice girls who pretend to be not-nice girls. There are not-nice girls who pretend to be nice girls. There are nice girls who try to seem like they are only pretending to be nice girls. There are girls who don't care about guys at all. There are girls who do care about guys but pretend they don't care about them. There are even nice girls who pretend to be not-nice girls pretending to be nice girls who are pretending to not care about guys. It's extremely complicated.
Guys, however, aren't complicated. There are nice guys and not-nice guys, and that's really about it. Even gay guys fall into these two categories. The problem with this is that girls, being so complicated, think that guys are really more complicated than they are. Guys are aware that girls are not as simple as they are. It frustrates them. But girls see simple guys and think, "He can't possibly be as simple as that. He must really be complicated and tortured underneath."
Unfortunately for most girls, they think this about the not-nice guys. Instead of saying, "That guy isn't nice," many girls say, "He doesn't act nice. That must mean that he's really very sensitive underneath and he just needs me to understand him." This mindset usually leads to a relationship of one or two years, sometimes longer, the end of which usually comes at about the same time as the girl realizes that really he is just a not-nice guy.
As for the nice guys, girls just don't know what to make of them. I think they reverse the not-nice guy logic and decide that if he acts like a nice guy, it must really mean that underneath it all, he's a not-nice guy. So, they won't date him. Which is really poor for the nice guys.
Two of my best friends back home are classic nice guys. Their names are Matt. Both of them. They complain constantly about watching these great girls they know date not-nice guys. These girls date these guys and then come to my nice-guy friends and complain about the not-nice guys. They even say things like, "I wish I could meet someone like you." Then, rather than date my nice-guy friends, they go off and date more not-nice guys. This drives my friends nuts.
I've been telling them for years that eventually we will all turn 25 and the girls will start thinking about finding a guy to marry. Then, I tell them, they will have to beat girls off with a stick. Suddenly, girls will not be interested in understanding the deep, tortured souls of the not-nice guys. They will be interested in finding a guy that they can count on to take out the garbage every week and clean out the gutters in the autumn. This will be very good for my nice-guy friends, who are both very good at trash-taking-outing and gutter-cleaning.
In the meantime, however, nice guys across the country will be doomed to watching really nice girls date their less than nice counterparts. For those nice guys who are fed up with this life, my suggestion is twofold. First of all, they need to start foiling the not-nice guys' image. They need to make the not-nice guys look nice. I suggest things like sending the girl flowers in the name of the not-nice boyfriend. They could also send them nice e-mails in the name of the not-nice guy. Perhaps love poetry would be appropriate.
The second part of this plan is that the nice guys need to start projecting an image of not-nice guy-ness. For example, if they are interested in a girl, rather than listening to her and respecting her as a person, they should simply pressure her constantly to have sex. This works wonders for some reason.
Of course, the nice guys will need to stop projecting this image before we all turn 25 or they will lose the opportunity to beat girls off with a stick. And really, what guy would want to lose that?
Marlayna Soenneker is a sophomore psychology major. Her column appears in Viewpoint every other Wednesday.
The views expressed in this column are those of the author and not necessarily those of The Observer.
All Viewpoint Stories for Wednesday, September 27, 2000