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ASK AMY: Advice for the real world

Promiscuity not the issue with the HPV vaccine

Amy Dickinson | Ask Amy:
June 4, 2007

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Dear Amy: I would like to know your feelings about the now-proposed vaccine against the human papillomavirus [HPV].

I find the idea that any of our daughters are going to be at risk for a sexually transmitted disease objectionable in the first place. In the second place, there are ways of preventing STDs. (I don't suggest abstinence because I realize it's not realistic, but it is infallible.)

I know it's not always easy, but I would expect us to teach our daughters a set of values that would be more protective of them than simply relying on a vaccine.

I now have five granddaughters, all in their 20s. I am interested that other grandmothers here in this retirement community have all said that they would give the vaccine to their daughters if it had been available when they were teenagers.

What would you do?

-- Brooks in Virginia

Dear Brooks: In my mind, the HPV vaccine promotes sexual activity the way the polio vaccine promotes swimming in affected waters.

You, me, your daughters and granddaughters -- and any men in our lives -- are all at risk for contracting an STD. It has to do with being a human being, alive on the planet and engaging in any sexual activity, including sex within happy marriages. Values are no protection from viruses.

This vaccine, which can only be administered to young women up to their mid-20s, and preferably to women who have never been sexually active, saves lives decades down the road.

A teenager receiving the vaccine now may be spared having cervical cancer in her 50s, after contracting HPV from her husband while in her 30s. (Most people have no idea that they carry HPV; an estimated 20 million Americans are infected.)

Each year approximately 10,000 cases of cervical cancer are diagnosed in the U.S. Approximately 4,000 women die from the disease. HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer. We are so fortunate that we have the opportunity to offer our daughters this protection.

Dear Amy: I am a senior citizen, and I have been living alone for 25 years.

I recently met a fine man through an online dating service.

We are both 72.

He is highly educated and still teaches at a university.

The problem is one of personal hygiene.

He comes to take me to dinner and a movie in dirty, baggy jeans and not smelling sweet.

He uses snuff, which may account for some of the odor.

His teeth are very brown (stained from the snuff, I expect) and looking very neglected and in need of a dentist's attention.

I pride myself in looking as attractive as possible and being clean at all times.

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