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The Y.P.R. Infrequent Newsletter

Ruined Music

Our friend and frequent Y.P.R. contributor Mary Phillips-Sandy is in the news for offering a place to share stories of music once beloved and now forsaken. Check it out.

The scoop…

Everyone has a song that’s been ruined by an ex. Ruined Music is the place to talk about the music you’ve lost: the songs you can’t stand to hear ever again, that record she always played when she was over at your house, the band you went to see together a week before he called it quits, That Song that was on That Mix, the record that was playing the night you (fill in the blank), the album you got for a Valentine’s Day gift. But wait! You’ve got a story about a song that was ruined not by an ex but by a roommate, a bandmate, a former best friend, a bad trip, a teacher, or an ocelot? Great, we’ll take those too! Tell us your story. Feel better. Reclaim your record collection. Guidelines are here.
And hey, we’re on MTV.

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& Recently . . .

Christmas Correspondence Between Advice Columnist “Mother Wisdom” and a Disgruntled Reader by Wayne Gladstone

Dear Mother Wisdom, I write in response to your column “Moishe in the Manger?” in which a woman who was bringing her Jewish boyfriend home for Christmas sought your help. You advised that “explaining the Virgin Birth might be easier…

Frosty’s Lament by George Motisher

Like burnt-out coals, no longer live,
My snow blind eyes will not revive …

The Case of the London Terrorists by Michael Fowler

I held the morning London Times before me, the cold remains of my breakfast kipper on my plate, when Sherlock Holmes joined me at table. Holmes was not in a jovial mood. His dressing gown was tied carelessly, and he…

Famous Comics Speak Out on Handling Hecklers by Shap Sweeney

Jerry Seinfeld If a guy heckles me, I never talk to him. I talk to the audience. Say something like, “Hey, what’s the deal with this guy heckling me?” Try to pick out something specific about the guy doing the…

Teri Hatcher Wants John Bolton to Know That She Once Suffered a Career Slump, Too by Ellie Kemper

Hey John—I got your voicemail. Or, I saw that I missed your call. I didn’t actually listen to your voicemail. I was at a shoot. For Desperate Housewives. Listen, I heard that you were basically fired from the United Nations….

Polish Fact

Poles & Borders
Borderlines: 2,788 km
Border Countries:
Belarus (407 km), Czech Republic (658 km), Germany (456 km), Lithuania (91 km), Russia (Kaliningrad Oblast) (206 km), Slovakia (444 km), Ukraine (526 km)
Coastline: 491 km

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Was ist im Leben am besten? Ihre Feinde zerquetschen, sie sehen, gefahren vor Ihnen und die Wehklage der Frauen hören!
What is best in life? To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

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Literary Logomachy
Sunday, December 24, 2006    |    Etc.

The Ghosts of Christmas Past

Ho Ho HoAn American Psycho Christmas by Mick Stingley
“So how are you going to spend your bonus, Bateman?” Price is already buzzed and I am still nursing my Finlandia as Courtney lights up at the mere mention of money.
“I haven’t given it any thought.”
“What about Gstaad?” Courtney breaks in. She is wearing …

Christmas Correspondence Between Advice Columnist “Mother Wisdom” and a Disgruntled Reader by Wayne Gladstone
Dear Mother Wisdom,
I write in response to your column “Moishe in the Manger?” in which a woman who was bringing her Jewish boyfriend home for Christmas sought your help. You advised …


Frosty’s Lament
by George Motisher

Like burnt-out coals, no longer live,
My snow blind eyes will not revive,
And what of memories, youthful drive?
The joie de vivre I should derive …

New Adaptations for the Holiday Theatre Season by Dale Dobson
At this time of year, community and commercial theatres across the country raise considerable revenue with holiday-themed shows like The Best Christmas Pageant Ever and umpteen versions of …

Happy Holidays from Brit-Brit & K-FedChristmastime Is Here: Some Holiday Cards 2004

A Holiday Update from the Kinsleys by Julianne Flynn
Dear Friends and Family,
As the holiday season approaches, our family would like to share news of the extraordinary changes and growth we’ve experienced this year. As many of you know, my husband Frank has been prone to embarrassing bouts …

Season’s Greetings by Stephen Loomis
Dear Sis,
Merry Christmas to you all! It sure is nice getting your Christmas letters each year. Sisters should be close. I sure am glad everything’s fine with you all. Vice President of Marketing. You must be so proud of …

The Stanton Family Christmas Newsletter by Jonathan Shipley
Hi,
Jim has testicular cancer. Pray for him. He’s doing OKAY but pray for him. The growth has reëmerged in his left testicle. We’re hoping to get him out of the hospital for Christmas. If we do get to …

The Annual Holiday Newsletter from the Guy Who Does the Voiceover for NBC Primetime TV Previews by Michael Ward
Dear Friends:
It’s been an EXPLOSIVE 2004 for the Jones family. You WON’T BELIEVE when you hear what’s been happening. First, in a SHOCKING TWIST in late March, a routine inspection of the septic tank reveals a COSTLY corrosion problem …

Letter from the White House to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum by George Motisher
Dear Madame;
The White House has recently been informed that you have created a new Nativity scene, with biblical characters being portrayed by wax sculptures of sports legends, entertainers, and political …

Happy Birthday, Jesus Christ!
Dear J.C.,
Happy Birthday! I know everybody’s buying you frankincense and myrrh and Xbox for your birthday, so we were totally stumped. You’re a hard person to shop for …

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