Knight Ridder/Tribune News Service
Dec. 25, 2004 12:00 AM
Q: My 8-year-old son has ADHD. Today, his teacher, annoyed by the classroom noise, asked him in front of his classmates if he had remembered to take his medication. My son is upset and doesn't understand why his teacher would humiliate him in front of his friends. He says he won't go back to school. I am furious. How do I handle this?
A: There are a lot of important issues here that you need to deal with quickly, before your son's feelings about himself, his teacher, and his school, become a serious problem.
First, let's talk about your son, the most important piece of the puzzle. If you haven't already done so, have a discussion with him about ADHD, how it makes him feel, and how it makes him unique. Keep it on a level he can easily understand and that makes him feel good about himself.
If you need some suggestions or guidance, your local bookstore probably has a few books that can help: "Otto Learns about His Medicine: A Story about Medication for Children with ADHD" by Matthew R. Galvin uses humorous illustrations and concrete examples to help kids understand why they need to take medication; "Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention: A Book for Kids About ADD" by Kathleen G. Nadeau; "Jumpin' Johnny Get Back to Work!: A Child's Guide to ADHD" by Michael Gordon; and "Sparky's Excellent Misadventures: My ADD Journal" by Phyllis Carpenter. The books will answer many of your child's questions and concerns, some of which you might not have even considered. If you go the book route, be sure to read WITH your child.
Your son may also be worried about what to say if his friends ask him questions or make fun of him. (Although, given how many kids are taking drugs for ADD and ADHD, there's a good chance that some of his friends are taking medication too.) Work together to come up with an answer he's comfortable with and practice it with him. Comparing his medication to a vitamin pill, which many kids take every day, is honest and something kids can easily understand. It also reinforces the idea that it's a perfectly normal part of life.
Now is also a good time to explain to your son that adults sometimes do and say things they shouldn't. Maybe his teacher was feeling overwhelmed, or maybe she'd started the day with an argument with her own family or a co-worker. And maybe your son's behavior really was disruptive and his teacher had already asked him a number of times to settle down. Make sure he understands that whatever her reason, his teacher was not deliberately being mean or trying to embarrass him. Tell him that you will speak privately with her to make sure she understands his distress.
Making a child feel ashamed or humiliated is never acceptable. Neither is assuming an ADD child is always the cause of trouble in the classroom. However, incidents like this make it obvious that many, if not most, teachers are woefully misinformed about ADD. That's worrisome, since most classrooms have at least one student with ADD. Few teachers have a grasp on the complex nature of a condition that affects a large part of the juvenile population.
Consider speaking with the school principal about ADD resources available to teachers. You may be surprised to find that there aren't any. That's not necessarily the fault of teachers or the schools since ADD research is a relatively new field. You might ask your child's doctor to recommend resources to local schools, or even to offer himself or a member of his staff to the local school board as a lecturer on ADD, or simply as a resources to answer their questions.
A: There are a lot of important issues here that you need to deal with quickly, before your son's feelings about himself, his teacher, and his school, become a serious problem.
First, let's talk about your son, the most important piece of the puzzle. If you haven't already done so, have a discussion with him about ADHD, how it makes him feel, and how it makes him unique. Keep it on a level he can easily understand and that makes him feel good about himself.
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If you need some suggestions or guidance, your local bookstore probably has a few books that can help: "Otto Learns about His Medicine: A Story about Medication for Children with ADHD" by Matthew R. Galvin uses humorous illustrations and concrete examples to help kids understand why they need to take medication; "Learning to Slow Down and Pay Attention: A Book for Kids About ADD" by Kathleen G. Nadeau; "Jumpin' Johnny Get Back to Work!: A Child's Guide to ADHD" by Michael Gordon; and "Sparky's Excellent Misadventures: My ADD Journal" by Phyllis Carpenter. The books will answer many of your child's questions and concerns, some of which you might not have even considered. If you go the book route, be sure to read WITH your child.
Your son may also be worried about what to say if his friends ask him questions or make fun of him. (Although, given how many kids are taking drugs for ADD and ADHD, there's a good chance that some of his friends are taking medication too.) Work together to come up with an answer he's comfortable with and practice it with him. Comparing his medication to a vitamin pill, which many kids take every day, is honest and something kids can easily understand. It also reinforces the idea that it's a perfectly normal part of life.
Now is also a good time to explain to your son that adults sometimes do and say things they shouldn't. Maybe his teacher was feeling overwhelmed, or maybe she'd started the day with an argument with her own family or a co-worker. And maybe your son's behavior really was disruptive and his teacher had already asked him a number of times to settle down. Make sure he understands that whatever her reason, his teacher was not deliberately being mean or trying to embarrass him. Tell him that you will speak privately with her to make sure she understands his distress.
Making a child feel ashamed or humiliated is never acceptable. Neither is assuming an ADD child is always the cause of trouble in the classroom. However, incidents like this make it obvious that many, if not most, teachers are woefully misinformed about ADD. That's worrisome, since most classrooms have at least one student with ADD. Few teachers have a grasp on the complex nature of a condition that affects a large part of the juvenile population.
Consider speaking with the school principal about ADD resources available to teachers. You may be surprised to find that there aren't any. That's not necessarily the fault of teachers or the schools since ADD research is a relatively new field. You might ask your child's doctor to recommend resources to local schools, or even to offer himself or a member of his staff to the local school board as a lecturer on ADD, or simply as a resources to answer their questions.