I've really been thinking a lot about what I want to post about now that I've decided to start up again. We went through so much change last year, so many good and wonderful things happened but somehow only the negative stuff made it into the blog - so much so that I felt it became a bit toxic and I had to walk away. The shower has always been my thinking spot and in last night's shower I think I hit on the reason why the blog got so ick.
We moved last year into the most wonderful neighborhood you can possibly imagine. I mean, it's the one that they make real estate commercials about. It's not my ideal house, I've always dreamed of the classic colonial but when we found this one there was so much else that was right - that I quietly but willingly kissed my dreams of brick and columns and banistered staircases goodbye. I felt a vibe from this house from the beginning despite the fact that our realtor was sure I'd hate it. And there was a lot to hate - the whole dame interior was PINK. This blog is the exact shade of pink that my entire house was. But I got a vibe. This house knew me, and I knew it. I got a vibe.
What we didn't know is that we were getting the perfect street as well. And so many new and wonderful friends. And roots. We'd moved so many times that we'd stopped thinking about roots. We'd lived in this same town for 3 years now and maybe we knew 5 more people than when we first got her. We didn't bother putting down roots because we expected to move again. But we stayed in town and started putting down roots.
And what I realize now that it's gentle work creating roots. You do it with great care. And on some level I think I was afraid to blog about the connections and friendships I was making. They were new and fragile and beautiful and they had to be protected. It was such new territory for me making real, actual people you see everyday type friends. I didn't want to mess it up. I was being protective of them. They are not computer geeks, they do not blog, the have not presented themselves to the internet for inspection.
The ladies are also stay at home moms. And that scared me. My experiences with stay at home moms hadn't been that positive in the past. In general they didn't seem to want to let the working mom's be a part of their club. So I was a little shy on that front as well but really wanting everything to work out. Blogging about it didn't seem like the best way to bridge the gap.
Then there was the fact that I was learning be the mother of more than one child and learning how to manage and juggle and make sure that both children felt their mother was meeting their needs. Blogging about P but not S, or S but not P, made me feel guilty. What if they wasn't something I wanted to say about both of them on any given day?
So with all this goodness and fun happening all around only the bad stuff was making it into the blog. I was ranting, and venting, and pissing, and moaning. And I hated it.
Now that I feel like I've got a handle on what went wrong I think I can steer myself towards things that 1) excite me enough to write about 2) still fit in the comfort zone of what I feel I can write about. I've ordered this book to help me with ideas as well. And I feel like I'm on track, I have a plan, I'm moving forward....
So, do you want to know what I had for lunch today?