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What The Papers Say: 22-12-2006

Fri 22 Dec, 10:23 AM

Headline of the day...

I'M NOT SO KEEN NOW
Roy Keane is looking decidedly un-Christmassy on the back page of The Express today as he reveals his dislike for his current job as Sunderland manager. "There are parts you don't particularly enjoy and other you do enjoy, it's like life in general I suppose," he reveals. "Managers never seem to use the word 'enjoyment'. The one or two I've spoken to say it only gets worse, so God knows why I do it." Bah, humbug, eh Keano.

Hold the back page...

CUT OUT ALL YOUR CARD TRICKS, JOSE
Another Grinch rears his angry head on the back of The Mail as Jose Mourinho has been told by Steve Coppell to stop waving about imaginary cards on the touchline. "It is something for him to judge himself," the Reading boss explains. "I don't think anybody likes to see it in our game but I didn't see the incident on which he was basing the yellow cars brandishing".

SHEV MUST PULL HIS FINGER OUT
More Chelsea on the back page of The Star as Andriy Shevchenko is told to be more like his co-striker Didier Drogba. "Didier's goals are very, very important to us at the moment," Chelsea assistant manager Steve Clarke is quoted as saying, "but we're hoping other people will chip in along the course of the season".

I FEAR DEATH THREAT ATTACK AT CHELSEA
Finally for the Chelsea stories on the back pages, The Sun reveals that Reading's Ibrahima Sonko, the man who clattered into Carlo Cudicini in October, is fearing his Boxing Day return to Stamford Bridge. "That incident has gone away," says Sonko, "But now the next game is coming up. I've been scared. You have to take the [death threat] letters seriously. Some people are nasty and capable of stupid things when it comes to revenge".

GLAZERS SETTING ASIDE £25M TO PAY FOR NEXT OLD TRAFFORD 'SUPERSTAR'
It seems the spirit of Scrooge has possessed The Glazers as The Times reveal that the Americans will only allow Sir Alex Ferguson to spend up to £25million on transfers, except for one-off 'superstars'.

REED: MY BRAIN OP HORROR
In The Mirror Les Reed has insisted that he will not quit as Charlton boss as the brain hemorrhage he suffered in 1997 has put Charlton's current plight in perspective.

BUNGS!
Finally for the back pages the bungs are back! The Independent reports that the Premier League wants the eight agents who failed to co-operate with Lord Stevens during his investigations to have their licenses revoked while The Telegraph explains that police from the City of London fraud squad have been conducting their own investigation into football corruption for two months.

Other top stories...

OWEN LIKELY TO MISS SEASON
That merry little Christmas elf Michael Owen is in The Telegraph as Glen Roeder explains it is unlikely the ex-Liverpool man will return before the end of the season. "Michael says the knee is feeling strong and he is saying that there's a strong chance we might get him fit before the end of the season," Roeder says. "If that were to happen it would be a massive bonus. But we have to accept there's a big chance that it might not happen".

NIGEL TOLD TO FOCUS ON SAFETY
Alan Curbishley has moved to ease tensions between West Ham fans and Nigel Reo-Coker after the midfielder has received hate mail for his alleged role in Alan Pardew's sacking. "I don't want to make an issue out of an issue which isn't big," Curbs tells The Sun. "If I declared every abusive letter I received, I'd be in the papers every other day. Unfortunately in football, we all get letters like that and we have to live with it".

CROUCH WILL GET HIS CHANCE TO IMPRESS
Peter Crouch has been assured that he does have a future at Anfield, despite recent interest from Everton and Newcastle. "We don't want to sell Peter," Rafa Bentiez tells The Express. "It was a surprise when I read about it. We are not thinking about this. Why do we need to consider this".

WHITEWASH? DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU
Des Kelly is getting into the seasonal spirit by writing his own, bung-inspired version, of White Christmas. He writes: "I'm dreaming of a whitewash Christmas/Just like the ones we've always known/Where the gold coins glisten/And agents listen/To hear, they're still in the dough/I'm dreaming of a whitewash Christmas/With every transfer cheque I write/May your bank be offshore and tight/And may all our dodgy deals stay quiet."

LET IT MOW. SANTA IS A BLADES FAN
Finally, in order to deflect our attentions away from the fact it's still not finished, The Guardian features a picture of two men dressed as Santa Claus, mowing the pitch at Wembley.

Merry Christmas everybody.

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