Go figure... on Be a good mom on 43 Things

pmsandvodka
42 things

Be a good mom

Go figure...  — 1 year ago

There are several aspects of parenting that I think are so crucial to strive for. I have tried to teach my children, through words and action, that we are all human beings, regardless of color, gender, race, religion, handicap, sexual identity, even of status (or the lack thereof.) I have 3 sons, ages 24, 22, and 8, and all three know that I accept, embrace and love them unconditionally regardless of who they are or what they do in life or who they love. I have been reproached by more than a few people for being open and honest about such issues as religion and justice and especially homosexuality. I have long said to them that it is not who you love, but that you love. I could go on and on about all the things I hope to be and do for my sons, but there is one other issue that I feel very stongly about that I just can’t leave unsaid.

I think that we, as parents, need to listen to our children when they talk to us, and that we give their thoughts and ideas the respect and attention they deserve. One experience I had a couple of years ago is the perfect example of that. There was a little boy in K-Mart, he was maybe 4 or 5, and he was in line in front of me in the garden department with his mom. He had something in his hand to show her, and he kept tugging her shirt and saying “Mama. Mama. Mama. Look, Mama, look at what I found.” Over and over and over again, but she never even turned her head to look, let alone respond. I was getting really pissed by then, but he was so sweet and patient, and just kept it up, “Mama, mama, mama…” until finally she whirls around and shouts “Jesus Christ! WHAT??” and he holds out his hand and she heaves this huge sigh as if the effort was almost too much for her to bear, and she glances at the object on his outstretched palm—and then slaps the object from his hand and yells “What are you picking that shit up for?? Haven’t I told you not to pick up every damn rock you see?? Now your hands are filthy…” His little face fell and I am about ready to open my big mouth when he says, while searching for the pebble, “But mama, it’s shaped like a heart. I found it just for you.” OMG! I had to turn away so I didn’t bawl in front of him. By now she had turned away from him again, and when he found the pebble he held it toward her again and said “See, Mama?” and she says “I THOUGHT I JUST TOLD YOU NOT TO PICK THAT SHIT UP!” I swear I was ready to knock her teeth down her throat, and I am not a violent person! So now I am trying to keep control of me, and I knelt down and asked him if I could see the rock. His face lit up like a Christmas tree, and he held it out to me and said, with a voice amazingly still full of love and pride, “It’s shaped like a heart! I got it for my mom.” So I oohed and ahhed over it and told him I thought it was the best gift a little boy could give a mom, and if my son had found one for me I would keep it forever and ever. Oh, my, but he just beamed! It absolutely broke my heart, and as soon as I got finished with my purchase I went out to my car and cried like a baby. I wept for that sweet kid, and for his mom too, because she never did look and she never did acknowledge him other than to tear him down.

To me, it’s all about being human.

Comments:

ericeric
43 things

That's a sad story

That boy was lucky to have you there. I think I would have said something to that lady or better yet, I would have followed her home so that I could write an nice letter to her reminding her of her behavior.
The next time you are in that situation, don’t feel that you have to clam up. She needed an attitude adjustment and you had the opportunity to give it to her.

One time a guy came flying down our side street (which has a lot of kids on it) at about 50mph rushing to catch a train. I hopped in my truck and raced after him. I found him and I let him have a good piece of my mind. I did it in a strong but if you can believe it, courteous manner. I believe that he was truly sorry for doing it. He looked stunned and embarrassed.
PLEASE ADD THIS TO YOUR LIST-->
http://www.43things.com/things/view/12393

pmsandvodka
42 things

Actually, I do speak up more than I used to, and yes, it is worthy of my list! I have a big mouth and a hot temper, and growing up I learned from my mom, who is mentally ill, that when you get backed into a corner, or the line is crossed as it was in that incident, to come out fighting and fight dirty…the object is to win at any cost. Well, as I have gotten to this ripe old age of 44, I have learned along the way that it really isn’t a good method, and it has taken me years (!!!) to learn how not to do it. However! Sometimes, when I get REALLY angry, I can and will respond that way…and the best option is to keep my mouth shut…

That said…in the last few years I have become more and more outspoken, in a calm, collected, but firm way, like you alluded to. For instance, I had an aquaintence that was telling me a story and she popped off with the “n” word…jezus crist in a sidecar! my mouth literally dropped open and I said (in front of her boyfriend and kids and a couple of friends) “I CANNOT believe that just came out of your mouth!” She stuttered and tried to poo-poo it, but I wasn’t going there. I said “what would posess you to say that?” and I stood there waiting for an answer. and she tried to worm out of it, and said ‘its just an expression” and I said “well its not a very good one! it is degrading and ugly and absolutely not necessary. period.” and her daughter, about 9 or so, pipes up and says “mommy, it is the worst bad word there is.” and her eyes are getting all teary. I told her she was teaching her kids, every time it “slipped” out that it is okay if it just slips out, and it is not. and i ended our conversation by telling her she was showing every person within earshot what she was all about, be it stupidity, ignorance, or just apathy, and it wasn’t okay. and i left her with her mouth hanging open!

I have another example, but i will make an entry out of it. I looked at your list and i want to go read in more detail…you have some good stuff there!

Take care,
Susan

(This comment was deleted.)

I belive that you are a great mom!
Just by giving your kids a chance to speak out, and be whatever they might want to, it really is a beutifull thing and I hope they apreciate that, because sadly not every one gets to be that lucky.
My parents are awsome, they always heard me even when all I had to say was BS, and they were very smooth to show otherwise, you know?
I hope that the litle kid`s mother realize that before it`s too late and their relationship turns to shit.
PMSANDVODKA is a hell of mixture, I`ve been around it… but at times it was actualy good because the vodka would put her to sleep, guess who was happy when that happened?
Well, I wish you and your family the best luck… Take care!!!

Marcyvom

pmsandvodka has gotten 1 cheer on this entry.