August 29, 2005

Lookin' Great and Feelin' Fine...

Dude, Lita. Yer Mom's totally fuggly.

... we're the class of '89! Sorry, but I am genetically hard-wired to embrace and write about all musical nostalgia, even when it dates and debases me. This unique trick comes to us via Roxanne and Jim Henley; finding the top 100 singles from the year of your high school graduation.

So, with all 100-long lists, I started off by thinking of some basic classifications: "That's a Kick-ass Song," "Pretty Good," "Semi-Listenable," "Makes Me Want to Kill Myself," and "Makes Me Want to Kill Myself After a Long Killing Spree." Then a took a closer look at the list from 1989 (graduation photo here for confirmation, one of many embarrassing pictures on my Flickr site) and decided that about 90% of the songs would fall in the bottom category. Who knew that NKOTB, Roxette, and Milli Vanilli could all blow up in the same year? So, in order to keep it positive, I'm just going to list the songs I could listen to a 30-second snippet of without going homicidal/suicidal:

36. Buffalo Stance, Neneh Cherry
42. Bust A Move, Young M.C.
47. Love Shack, B-52's. On second thought, no. Not any more.
51. So Alive, Love and Rockets. Just barely.
58. Sowing The Seeds Of Love, Tears For Fears
66. In Your Room, Bangles
68. Love Song, Cure
71. Patience, Guns N' Roses
74. Welcome To The Jungle, Guns N' Roses
76. Stand, R.E.M.
77. Close My Eyes Forever, Lita Ford
83. This Promise, When In Rome
86. Paradise City, Guns N' Roses
91. Poison, Alice Cooper
100. Keep On Movin', Soul II Soul

Only The Cure and Guns n' Roses remain on my digital jukebox, and their offerings are far from my favorites. That's not to say that I graduated into a wasteland; the following albums were released that year (in addition to all those alterna-albums that I can't possibly think of):

Bad Religion "No Control" // Beastie Boys "Paul's Boutique" // Camper Van Beethoven "Key Lime Pie" // Elvis Costello "Spike" // Faith No More "The Real Thing" // Lenny Kravitz "Let Love Rule" // Neil Young "Freedom" // New Order "Technique" // Nine Inch Nails // Nine Inch Nails "Pretty Hate Machine" // Nirvana "Bleach" // Public Image Limited "9" // Red Hot Chili Peppers "Mother's Milk" // Stevie Ray Vaughn "In Step" // The Flaming Lips "Telepathic Surgery" // The Pogues "Peace And Love"

Then I got to further "thinking"... MTV and Top 40 radio have always been geared towards middle-schoolers. I don't think that music got appreciably worse from during my high school years, but I'll bet that I retain more of an appreciation for 1985's unadulterated crap (same list in the extended entry)...

5. I Feel For You, Chaka Khan
6. Out Of Touch, Daryl Hall and John Oates
7. Everybody Wants To Rule The World, Tears For Fears
8. Money For Nothing, Dire Straits
10. Take On Me, A-Ha
12. Easy Lover, Phil Collins and Philip Bailey
16. Don't You (Forget About Me), Simple Minds
18. St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion), John Parr
21. Shout, Tears For Fears
22. Part-Time Lover, Stevie Wonder
27. Miami Vice Theme, Jan Hammer
31. Oh Sheila, Ready For The World
36. The Wild Boys, Duran Duran
38. Neutron Dance, Pointer Sisters
41. Things Can Only Get Better, Howard Jones
46. Strut, Sheena Easton
51. Raspberry Beret, Prince and The Revolution
54. One Night In Bangkok, Murray Head
56. Obsession, Animotion
60. Head Over Heels, Tears For Fears
61. Axel F, Harold Faltermeyer
62. Smooth Operator, Sade
63. In My House, Mary Jane Girls
68. Voices Carry, 'Til Tuesday
70. Would I Lie To You?, Eurythmics
71. Be Near Me, ABC
75. Walking On Sunshine, Katrina and The Waves
76. Freedom, Wham!
77. Too Late For Goodbyes, Julian Lennon
83. Method Of Modern Love, Daryl Hall and John Oates
84. Lay Your Hands On Me, Thompson Twins
91. Jungle Of Love, The Time

Yes, ha-ha-ha. It's all very funny.




Posted by Norbizness at August 29, 2005 11:55 AM
Comments

I'm a year behind you, but the difference is striking. A whole lot of Wilson Phillips and Michael Bolton that year.

Posted by: Otto Man at August 29, 2005 12:33 PM

I graduated in 89 too. I remember the late 80s being bad, but not that bad. So much stuff I had almost forgotten about. Also, some hair bands, but not as many as I remember. And reading into the 90s it's amazing stuff like Rod Stewart and Genesis were still stinking up the beginning of that decade. For some reason I thought they faded away after the mid 80s.

I remember the video for this one being strangely awful/fascinating:

9. Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird, Will To Power

Posted by: Brian at August 29, 2005 12:43 PM

1. I Will Always Love You, Whitney Houston
2. Whoomp! (There It Is), Tag Team
3. Can't Help Falling In Love, UB40
4. That's The Way Love Goes, Janet Jackson
5. Freak, Silk


1993

the top five
oy

Posted by: olexicon at August 29, 2005 12:52 PM

I'm also an '89er. Shitload of great music came out that summer. I think your list omits Fear of a Black Planet, which came out that fall (or was it spring of '90?).

And that album, uh, whips ass.

Posted by: dj moonbat at August 29, 2005 01:04 PM

1983... Oh the pain!

But, seriously, who knew Frank Stallone had it in him to get to #93?

Posted by: Fritz at August 29, 2005 01:12 PM

c/o '89 here too (I did my high school time in Tampa's colorful and rustic Cracktown neighborhood - oh, the memories). I must admit that it is truly humbling to look at both of those lists and think, my God - I used to like some of that shit!

9. Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird, Will To Power

I actually saw them perform (well, sort of) this abortion live, during Grad Nite at Disney World. Other "performers" (by which I mean, lip-synchers) that evening included Samantha Fox, New Kids on the Block, and Information Society.

Actually, there was someone else too, but he / they were so awful I was apparently forced to repress the memory.

Posted by: spencer at August 29, 2005 01:17 PM

you really did suffer through white lion, didn't you?

no love for tone-loc or "batdance"?

Posted by: paperpusher at August 29, 2005 01:23 PM

I graduated in 1987, and I think all I need to say about that year is that the number 1 song was "Walk Like An Egyptian" by The Bangles.

My least favorite song of all time checks in at No. 21: Chris de Burgh, "Lady In Red". My ears are spontaneously bleeding just thinking about it.

That was also the year that "The Rhythm (was) Gonna Get You", courtesy of Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine.

In my life, that was the year I discovered Bob Dylan (for myself, everyone else already knew about him), and gorged myself on The Clash, The Ramones, and the Violent Femmes.

Posted by: maurinsky at August 29, 2005 01:30 PM

BTW, you were way too kind to 1985. That list suh-ucks.

Posted by: spencer at August 29, 2005 01:43 PM

Sweet Jesus, thank you for letting my memory fail when I got so old.

From 1972, not just one, but two versions of a Coke commercial (#93 and #97):

2. Alone Again (Naturally), Gilbert O'Sullivan
3. American Pie, Don McLean
5. Candy Man, Sammy Davis Jr.
8. Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me, Mac Davis
9. Brand New Key, Melanie
10. Daddy Dont You Walk So Fast, Wayne Newton
12. Brandy (You're A Fine Girl), Looking Glass
15. My Ding-A-Ling, Chuck Berry
20. Ben, Michael Jackson
21. The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Robert John
22. Outa-space, Billy Preston
27. Song Sung Blue, Neil Diamond
28. A Horse With No Name, America
30. Precious And Few, Climax
32. Nights In White Satin, Moody Blues
36. Down By The Lazy River, Osmonds
50. Hold Your Head Up, Argent
55. The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A., Donna Fargo
60. Layla, Derek and The Dominos
64. Sylvia's Mother, Dr. Hook and The Medicine Show
68. Puppy Love, Donny Osmond
69. You Don't Mess Around With Jim, Jim Croce
70. Hot Rod Lincoln, Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen
71. A Cowboy's Work Is Never Done, Sonny and Cher
72. Joy, Apollo 100
74. Never Been To Spain, Three Dog Night
75. Kiss An Angel Good Morning, Charlie Pride
76. School's Out, Alice Cooper
77. Saturday In The Park, Chicago
86. Taxi, Harry Chapin
87. Sealed With A Kiss, Bobby Vinton
91. Roundabout, Yes
93. I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing, New Seekers
97. I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing, Hillside Singers

Posted by: Quaker in a Basement at August 29, 2005 02:27 PM

YOu may find this of great great interest, what with all the musical bidness that goes down round these parts.

http://www.popstrology.com

Posted by: The Critic at August 29, 2005 02:33 PM

Quaker, I was about 3 years old when you graduated, but I remember listening to those sings in the car as we drove to NY once or twice a month.

I think what all these lists are revealing is that the lowest common denominator, in any year, is nearly always crap.

Posted by: maurinsky at August 29, 2005 02:34 PM

I graduated in '62 in SoCal. People wouldn't ride in my beautiful '48 Plymouth because I listened to country music. I still do, but it has expanded to "Americana". Wish I still had the car, too.

Posted by: Gordon at August 29, 2005 02:59 PM

at the entirely opposite end of the spectrum, i think 1989 also marked the release of ministry's 'mind is a terrible thing to taste', skinny puppy's 'rabies', and possibly the revolting cocks 'beers, steers, and queers', of which i know at least this third one has fond memories in the thc-saturated nether-regions of good sir norbizness' brain.

as for myself, class of '92, all i can say is...

#2. baby. got. back.

Posted by: capital P at August 29, 2005 03:20 PM

I can listed to almost all of the top 5 in '88 w/out becoming murderous /suicidal:
1. Faith, George Michael
2. Need You Tonight, INXS
3. Got My Mind Set On You, George Harrison
4. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley
5. Sweet Child O'Mine, Guns N Roses

- but within the top 10 a song that instantly qualifies:
9. Hands To Heaven, Breathe

Posted by: JenM at August 29, 2005 03:32 PM

I can listed to almost all of the top 5 in '88 w/out becoming murderous /suicidal: ...
4. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley

You know, Jen, you and I are very different people.

Posted by: Otto Man at August 29, 2005 03:35 PM

I graduated in '92. The #1 song of that year? Why, the execrable, momentously sappy "End of the Road" by that great Bell Biv Devoe find, Boyz II Men.

Though the year is somewhat saved by the #2 song, Sir Mix A-Lot's timeless paean to the female posterior, "Baby Got Back".

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" - like it or not, arguably one of the most important and influential songs of the 90s - checks in at #32. Here are some of the songs that checked in ahead of Nirvana:

  • 3. "Jump", Kris Kross - Jesus, put your clothes on right.

  • 4. "Save the Best for Last", Vanessa Williams - post-Penthouse scandal, pre-ProActiv pimping.
  • 6. "Tears in Heaven", Eric Clapton - I'm sympathetic to the devastating loss this song was inspired by, but dammit! Remember Cream, Eric? Do you remember that?
  • 8. "Under the Bridge", Red Hot Chili Peppers - this actually deserves to be pretty high on the list, but above Nirvana? Methinks not.
  • 9. "All 4 Love", Color Me Badd - there simply isn't enough snark left in the world to address this.
  • 12. "To Be With You", Mr. Big - the official death knell of the power ballad. Thankfully.
  • 14. "Black or White", Michael Jackson - well, Jacko? Which are you?
  • 15. "Achy Breaky Heart", Billy Ray Cyrus - monster mullet and the birth of line dancing. Kee-rist.
  • 18. "Life Is A Highway", Tom Cochrane - No, Tom. I really do not want to ride it all night long, thankyouverymuch.
  • 21. "This Used To Be My Playground", Madonna - Ugh. Sentimental tripe. Madonna at her worst.

And at #33, the immortal Bobby Brown with "Humpin' Around", beating the truly excellent "Tennessee" by Arrested Development by seven places. Oy. Vey.

I do remember 1992 being this massive transition year, with the slow, embarrassing death of hair metal, the rise of grunge/alt-rock, the growing popularity of rap and hip-hop, the glorious last gasps of Richard Marx and Phil Collins... but, sweet Sky Fairy, that's a painful list.

Posted by: jpb at August 29, 2005 03:37 PM

Geez, ya'll are jailbait.

Posted by: vachon Class of '73 at August 29, 2005 03:48 PM

Otto Man -

Just to clarify - I don't think the top five 88 song's are good ones, just ones I can hear and ignore as background noise...


Posted by: JenM at August 29, 2005 05:20 PM

Norbizness must be a fellow closeted Hall & Oates fan. They are to Rick Astley what Bruce Lee is to Elvis in a gi.

Hall & Oates, Austin (Backyard) October 28, Houston (Verizon Theatre) October 30. Be there or, uh, stay in the closet.

Posted by: HWRNMNBSOL at August 29, 2005 05:40 PM

revolting cocks 'beers, steers, and queers'

I'm pretty sure that was before 1989, but I could be wrong (heavy chemical use in those days may have, um, modified certain memories to the point where they bear no semblance to actual events).

Posted by: spencer Fleury at August 29, 2005 08:51 PM

75. Walking On Sunshine, Katrina and The Waves

"What is least popular song this week in New Orleans," Alex?

Posted by: Chris Clarke at August 29, 2005 08:54 PM

Norby is my cherry pie.

Posted by: teh l4m3 at August 29, 2005 09:08 PM

I doubt I'll ever "get" G'n'R. Axl and Slash just irritated the piss out of me, starting from the nasal shriek and going straight to the we're-not-a-hair-band hair.

Posted by: jackd at August 29, 2005 09:34 PM

From Senior Year High School 1976, songs I can listen to without going nuts:

5. Play That Funky Music, Wild Cherry
15. Love Hangover, Diana Ross
33. Golden Years, David Bowie
51. Dream On, Aerosmith
69. This Masquerade, George Benson
78. Got To Get You Into My Life, Beatles
93. Tear The Roof Off The Sucker, Parliament
99. Squeeze Box, The Who


when I was 13 in 1971, actually some great songs I still like:

2. Maggie May / (Find A) Reason To Believe, Rod Stewart
9. Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me), Temptations
18. Brown Sugar, Rolling Stones
21. What's Going On, Marvin Gaye
55. Proud Mary, Ike and Tina Turner
62. Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology), Marvin Gaye
81. I Hear You Knocking, Dave Edmunds
84. Won't Get Fooled Again, Who
89. Theme From "Shaft", Isaac Hayes

Conclusion: popular music was much better and much worse when I was younger. I think that's continued, less really goo or really bad stuff, much more mediocrity.

Posted by: HankP at August 29, 2005 10:01 PM

I did my top 100 a few days ago and I think there are some songs I hated then that I actually like now (nostalgia factor, I guess).

Keep On Movin is a fine song, but Soul II Soul's moment of transcendence was Back To Life (not the a capella version).

Posted by: hope at August 29, 2005 10:19 PM

Sorry, folks, "Beers, Steers, and Queers" is a 1993 release. Pushing it past even my own high school grad date.

Posted by: The Critic at August 29, 2005 10:31 PM

Ok folk, lets first settle this Revolting Cocks thing. Beers, Steers & Queers" [album] (available on LP/Picture Disc 12"/CS/CD)

CS: WaxTrax! Records (WAXCS 7063) 1990

Not 1993, '89 etc. Secondly, let me say that I knew 1983 sucked musically, but Frank Stallone? Christ, the fact that Frank made it into ANY 100 list that wasn't entitled "100 Most (Pathetic) (Trite) (Grotesque).....All Hail Norbizness.

Posted by: Brian Curtis at August 29, 2005 10:57 PM

Ahhhh, Revolting Cocks. I remember getting kicked out of high school for wearing a Cocks t-shirt.

Why is it that these lists, which document the best selling singles, are always remarked upon with scorn? Not that they shouldn't be, mind you, but tons of people listened to this crap so why is everyone afraid to admit it? Or are the people who listen to crap like this not into blogs? It's a mystery.

For the record, my 1987 list only has about 6 that are even passable and a whole bunch that I have never heard.

Posted by: platosearwax at August 30, 2005 04:26 AM

Key Lime Pie, and I think The Pixies' Surfer Rosa came out that year, too. Swooon.

Posted by: drublood at August 30, 2005 07:55 AM

I like about 40 songs from the top 100 of 1982.


2. Eye Of The Tiger, Survivor
3. I Love Rock N' Roll, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
5. Centerfold, J. Geils Band
6. Don't You Want M, Human League
7. Jack And Diane, John Cougar
8. Hurts So Good, John Cougar
9. Abracadabra, Steve Miller Band
11. Tainted Love, Soft Cell
15. I Can't Go For That, Daryl Hall and John Oates
16. 867-5309 (Jenny), Tommy Tutone
22. Always On My Mind, Willie Nelson
23. Shake It Up, Cars
24. Let It Whip, Dazz Band
25. We Got The Beat, Go-Go's
33. Let's Groove, Earth, Wind and Fire
40. Heat Of The Moment, Asia
43. That Girl, Stevie Wonder
44. Private Eyes, Daryl Hall and John Oates
46. Making Love, Roberta Flack
48. Young Turks, Rod Stewart
49. Freeze-frame, J. Geils Band
63. Our Lips Are Sealed, Go-Go's
66. Did It In A Minute, Daryl Hall and John Oates
67. I Ran, A Flock Of Seagulls
73. Don't Stop Bellevin', Journey
78. Crimson And Clover, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
79. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Police
81. I Keep Forgettin', Michael Mcdonald
82. Get Down On It, Kool and The Gang
87. Vacation, Go-Go's
88. (Oh) Pretty Woman, Van Halen
89. Should I Do It, Pointer Sisters
91. Kids In America, Kim Wilde
94. Waiting On A Friend, Rolling Stones
95. Do I Do, Stevie Wonder
96. Working For The Weekend, Loverboy

Posted by: joe o at August 30, 2005 11:30 AM

I was really enjoying this post until I checked my graduation year. 1991. Welcome to Hell:

1. (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Bryan Adams
2. I Wanna Sex You Up, Color Me Badd
3. Gonna Make You Sweat, C+C Music Factory
4. Rush Rush, Paula Abdul
5. One More Try, Timmy T

I feel so...very...cold.

Posted by: sleestak at August 30, 2005 02:05 PM

screw you all.

this is what i got for 2001...
1. Hanging By A Moment, Lifehouse
2.Fallin', Alicia Keys
3. All For You, Janet
4. If You're Gone, Matchbox Twenty
5. I'm Real, Jennifer Lopez Featuring Ja Rule
6. Drops Of Jupiter (Tell Me), Train
7. Let Me Blow Ya Mind, Eve Featuring Gwen Stefani
8. Thank You, Dido
9. Hit 'Em Up Style (Oops!), Blu Cantrell
10. Independent Women Part I, Destiny's Child

i think ill spare myself the expensive therapy. i know what went totally wrong in my life...anyone got horse tranquilizers?

Posted by: almostinfamous at August 31, 2005 03:06 AM