Graduation is near!
This is usually the time of year that members of the Senior Class
start to experience this reality very differently. In the areas
of friendships, dating relationships and post graduation plans,
there will be new pressures as this timeline marches forward.
For some individuals, they cannot begin to think about the fact
that graduation is close without resenting anyone who brings it
up. For those who already know their career plans and have secured
positions in the work world, volunteer service and/or graduate
and professional school, there is a great deal to look forward
to. Some look ahead eagerly, waiting to move on, and others may
be apprehensive about the transition from college to the next
level. For those who do not know what they are doing, do not have
a specific job offer in hand or dread leaving Notre Dame, it is
a difficult time. New friendships and romantic relationships may
have developed this year or relationships changed after studying
abroad or meeting new people on- and off-campus. The fact that
most seniors will not be returning to Notre Dame in the fall may
put pressure on those involved to label, define, figure out or
project into the future about what these connections mean in ways
that the end of previous years did not demand.
If there was ever a time to respect individual differences, this
is it. Transitions bring out both the best and worst in all of
us. Some people need more time away or space from significant
others to figure out how they feel and want to proceed. Some individuals
want to talk about how vulnerable and uncertain they feel and
worry that they will be judged and criticized. Some individuals
may struggle with how to feel pride in their accomplishments when
others they care about are still uncertain.
A few individuals may boast of their accomplishments without acknowledging
any empathy for those who are still trying to secure their next
step. In the same residence hall section or off-campus housing
situation could live someone who has received many job offers
or letters of acceptance to graduate or professional schools,
and someone who has received none. This can stir up a multitude
of feelings for both parties. Some people worry that they cannot
celebrate their success without appearing insensitive to those
who are waiting. On the other hand, it makes perfect sense that
people would want to celebrate and share accomplishments. The
individuals who have received rejections or continue to be in
limbo naturally worry and have fear about what lies ahead for
them. A lengthy job search process, for most individuals, is difficult
and takes a toll on the individual's self-confidence.
Many times, instead of doing the hard work of talking about and
inviting people to share their perspectives, people start to talk
less and friendships that once meant so much start to feel strained.
Individuals can also err in the other direction and feel like
every minute should be spent processing the status of the relationship
and what will happen next. This was not the way anyone thought
that second semester of senior year was going to be. After many
memories over the course of these years, surely awkwardness will
not prevail. However, it does when people are afraid to take the
risk to do the hard work of acknowledging each other and accepting
that people may feel differently about this semester, graduation
and life after graduation.
Why is it so hard to talk about these differences? We do not want
to appear anxious, inadequate, uncomfortable or unsure so we do
not talk. We avoid talking or we pretend that everything is OK.
Most people are too smart to buy this, but they play along by
not pointing out that there is discomfort. We magically believe
that if we do not talk about it, it will go away and everything
will be fine.
It bears repeating:
If there was ever a time to respect individual differences, this
is it. Take the risk to go ahead and talk about your different
perspectives with your friends, and listen without judging how
your own or your friends' transition to graduation "should"
be. Accept that you and your friends share this common experience,
but in unique ways. You are all going through many endings and
beginnings, which naturally brings up feelings of loss, uncertainty,
sadness, excitement, regrets, anxiety and anticipation. Even your
perception of time changes as you go through a transition. Whereas
you used to primarily attend to the present day-to-day realities
of college life, now your awareness of time expands to include
the past, the present and the future. Give yourself and your friends
permission to express all that you are going through. Try not
to let your discomfort with acknowledging good-byes get in the
way of remaining connected. You may be going through this transition
in your own unique ways, but your emotional and spiritual connection
with your friends will transcend as you move on toward your journeys
ahead.
Based on the article, Acknowledging
Goodbyes: Tips for Graduating Seniors, written by the Counseling
Center for the Observer, March 6, 2000 and updated in May 2002.
