1. Let her/him know you believe that she/he has been hurt.
2. Listen to her/his story.
3. Provide comfort, (i.e., What can I do for you that would help?).
4. Let her/him know that you don't think she/he was at fault.
5. Let her/him know that you want to make sure that she/he feels safe that day and evening.
6. Suggest to her/him that she/he contact professionals, (i.e., medical, psychological).
7. Help her/him organize her/his thoughts but let her/him make the decisions.
8. If you are her/his romantic partner assure her/him of your love.  As her/his partner, let her/him be the pace setter in terms of physical expression of love.
9. Ask yourself if your suggestions are meeting your needs more than hers/his.
10. If you are struggling with anger, talk to someone about it, don't unleash it on her/him. 

1. Listen to him/her to show that you understand how he/she can be upset.
2. Encourage him/her to be selective about who to tell this to and what he/she says about it (and the accuser).
3. Encourage him/her not to make contact with the accuser or accusers' close friends.
4. Let him/her know that s/he is going to need support throughout this process (i.e., legal proceedings, his/her own understanding of what happened).
5. Suggest that he/she get professional help, (i.e., legal counseling and/or psychological counseling if formal charges are brought up against him), and be prepared to refer him to someone.
6. Encourage him/her to express his/her feelings (i.e., especially any feelings of regret or remorse) with someone who is bound to maintain confidentiality.
7. Do not ask questions that imply you think he/she did anything wrong or conversely that suggest you want to be his/her "defending" or "prosecuting" attorney.
8. If after he/she tells you his/her story he/she asks you what you think, (and you think he/she is being rightfully accused), let him/her know that you think he/she is going to need an experienced professional to help him.  If you think he/she is being wrongfully accused, encourage him/her to go to the counseling center for support while he/she goes through what to him/her will feel like a victimizing process.

Support Services for Victims of Rape and Sexual Assault at Notre Dame - [duLac]  [Brochure] Download pdf documents

Make an appointment with a counselor at the University Counseling Center, either for yourself or to consult about how to help a friend.

Virtual Pamphlets on sexual assault written by other university counseling centers